The UNinterview – Hunter S. Thompson

The good doctor, otherwise known as Hunter S. Thompson may be no longer with us, but for many, his memory lives on.

Originally starting out as a writer for various newspapers, he’s known for books like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Hell’s Angles, with an assortment of his work featured in Rolling Stone magazine. In his later years, he ran for sheriff in Pitkin County, Colorado. A career we think he would have truly excelled at.

And do you want to know what else he could have really excelled at? Well, I did too and so I set out on a mental journey of discovery.

Hello, Doctor Thompson? I am the assistant editor of…

Hunter S. Thompson: Who is this?

Urbasm.

HST: Bloody hell, do you have any idea what time it is? What is that?

Yes, we agreed on 11 o’clock and this is a feature interview for an online magazine.

HST: …

We were scheduled to speak this afternoon at 11.

HST: I may have heard something about that. Yeah, It’s 10:58 here. Just let me get my thoughts on a platter – where I can see them – and I’ll meet you back [here] in two minutes?

I’ll be here.

(30 seconds later)

HST: Who is this again?

Urbasm.

HST: Orgasm Magazine. Well, it’s about bloody time.

Urb… asm

HST: As in, an urban orgasm.

That’s one way to look at it.

HST: Well, what do you want to know? I’ve had many orgasms in the urban decays.

Those were the good old days I bet.

HST: That was just yesterday. We’re not really going to discuss my orgasms, are we?

No, but you once said that ‘sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex’. From a philosophical perspective, how did you mean for us to interpret this?

HST – Maybe it was Emerson that addressed it better when he said ‘Every action is measured by the depth of the sentiment from which it proceeds,’ I don’t know. I guess what I was saying is there’s a big difference between going through the motions compared to doing things with passion.

That is an interesting way to describe that, considering you…

HST – Bats!!!

Sorry?

HST – Hmm? Nothing. Pardon the interruption, you were about to tell me a story about my sex life.

Dr. Thompson, I think that we’ve got off on the wrong foot.

HST: I’m right handed, left eyed, and right footed.

Then I’m going to lead with my left foot this time. As a writer, one of my favorite quotes of yours is ‘Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously’.

HST: I don’t remember saying that.

Was there a turning point or revelation that brought you to the conclusion to stop taking life so seriously?

HST: Not really. After you put up with enough of other people’s shit you just stop caring.

I can see where you’re going with that.

HST: Good, because I have no idea. Who scheduled this?

Your publicist. In your final literary work, the suicide letter entitled “Football Season is Over” what did you mean by…

HST: Look, what did you say your name was?

I didn’t. It’s Max.

HST: Look, Max, I’m too sober at the moment for an interview. You can reschedule and we’ll give this another go after I’m back from the dead.

Can I just ask one more question?

HST: You already did. You want me to answer that one or something more interesting?

What are the three things that every man should know, according to Hunter S. Thompson?

HST – Don’t trust the establishment, the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours, and the person who doesn’t scatter the morning dew will not comb gray hairs.

Thank you, good Doctor. My life is now complete.

HST: I seriously doubt that. (click)

This interview is fictional, based on a discussion that occurred within the mind of writer, Max Green. However, we strongly believe that if he ever had the chance to interview his idol – we think it would have ended similarly, in a verbal premature ejaculation.