If we were pushed to a wall and forced to say exactly what a woman wants in one sentence, that sentence would look something like this:
When it comes to making a woman happy, you should know that the small things count, chivalry is not dead, confidence is key; She needs to be a ‘priority’, she needs a man with a sense of humor (no toilet humor), she expects impeccable hygiene/good grooming, and never forget her birthday and/or anniversary (if you make it this far).
But that is the extremely short story of a man’s success with women.
There are actually a lot of really good points that have been left out – and we’re about to share those below:
Humor
If you’d ask ten women what they look for in a man, there is a very good chance that all ten would desire a man with a sense of humor. This is because women like to laugh, they enjoy the intelligence behind a well-crafted joke or charming quip. If you are a man who is quick with his tongue, you could be missing more than half the qualities on this list and still be quite successful with women. You must also keep in mind that not only should a man be able to dish it out, he should be able to ‘take it’ equally as well. In other words, a man should be able to start a conversation with a funny pickup line and keep it going even if his opening line was spun back in his direction with a witty comeback from his target.
Impeccable Grooming
An important trait to uphold beyond a great sense of humor is to have a reputation for impeccable grooming, just ask model, Krystal Lina, who says, “I won’t even talk to you if I think you smell or have plaque caked on your teeth.” Women’s senses are very ‘sensitive’ and in the early stages of a relationship, even the slightest hint of foul breath or body odor could dismiss you for a second or third date. Women see how a man cares for himself in relations to how she expects to be cared for. If you think of it this way, it is obvious why a woman prefers a man who keeps a close watch on his own health and hygiene.
Strength
Both mentally and physically, a man needs to be a woman’s rock. Not a ‘rock’ in the sense of being motionless and aloof, but more like being steady and predictable. A woman likes a strong man who can handle her worst news and maintain a stiff shoulder for her to lean on. And while much of a man’s strength is within his mind, there is also a comfort in a man who appears physically strong as well. And this is not always showcased in large muscles, but rather good health, fitness, and the ability to keep up with her favorite activities. It is true that most women prefer a man who can ‘keep up with her,’ whether it’s by wit, charm, social graces, or sheer fitness level. And the first moment a woman recognizes whether or not you possess this strength is the moment you make eye contact, so don’t blow it.
Security
Women like to feel secure with a man, both in the sense of ‘literal’ (to feel safe) and financial. This is a man who gets things done. If your reservations are not on file at a restaurant, he takes charge, gets it taken care of and everything works out in the end. The opposite of this guy is the one who whimpers when told that their reservations were canceled and looks to his date to see if she is going to do something about it. This is the kind of guy that will never bring security to a relationship. One of the prerequisites of security is ambition because a man without ambition is a man that does not have the confidence to stand up for what he wants. And if she wants him to want her (which she does), then she needs to believe that he would stand up for her no matter what the obstacle. And if you’re unsure as to your security status with any woman, pay particular attention to her legs, as they offer great insight as to what she really wants.
Loyalty
For a woman to forgive a man who has cheated on her, she needs to know that it was nothing more than sex. A woman can forgive an affair of the flesh much more easily than she can an affair of the heart. Women need to feel that they are the first thought on your mind in the morning and the last before you retire to bed. Loyalty is actually quite easy to maintain when you are with the right woman.
Spontaneous Affection
This is a statement that you should always remember throughout your life, and it will help you to avoid losing any woman that you truly care about: A woman is never truly yours. There it is – when men lose a good woman it is often because they stopped trying to win her over. They assumed the victory was made and now they could concentrate on new goals. But you’re always wrong to think that. Relationships are far more fragile than you realize, according to the research by Dan Ariely, even when things seem perfectly solid. So what’s a guy to do to keep his prize in his possession? He can show her as much spontaneous affection as he can afford. Sunset walks, surprise lunch outings, and sneak kisses – all for no other reason than just because you want to.
Reliable
Women crave security and reliability in a man. She wants to know that you’ll be there if and when she really needs you. And while you may think this refers to those ‘life changing’ moments, a woman bases your preparedness on your reaction to the little things. Things like picking her up for a date ‘on time’, stopping to listen (and really listen) when she says that she has something to tell you, and really ‘being present’ when you’re together. If a woman ever tells you that “you’re never there, even though you are physically there” – it means that she does not feel connected. You are not there for her in a way that makes her feel secure. Stop and take the time to make sure she knows that she can count on you, otherwise she will be gone.
To Feel Appreciated
The number one reason that a woman cheats on a man is that she feels unappreciated. It is that simple. And even more important is the fact that when a woman feels unappreciated, not only is she more capable of cheating, she also feels that she has the right to cheat. You’re not paying much attention, so she might as well seek out someone who is willing to take the time to make her feel like she matters. And with that said, never let your guard down when it comes to a woman who is depressed or lost in her own misery. Any confident woman who has given herself to you has done so with the understanding that you will be there to take care of her. This involves checking in on her from time to time to make sure that everything is alright. And if all this sounds like too much work, just know that there is another guy waiting around the corner who is willing to do all that just to be with her.
Romance
When a man hears the word, ‘romance,’ he immediately starts to think about big-ticket items. Things like trips to Hawaii or Paris, carriage rides across New York City, and plane trails professing his love across the sky. However, the reality is that a man should never need those big gestures, provided that he offers enough small moments to keep her love cup above half full at all times. It truly is the ‘little things’ that make the difference to most women. Things like a note on the windshield, breakfast in bed, or an impromptu picnic over the weekend. Romance is not just the chance to show her that you love her, but also that you read and understand her cues in knowing when she needs a break from the everyday grind to do something different. Your effort should not be about showing how much you care through how much you are willing to spend, but rather the creative ways you can think up to spend quality time together.
Show Her Off
According to research mentioned in the book by Daniel Bergner titled What Do Women Want, when a woman is shown a couple engaged in foreplay her eyes dart back and forth between the women’s face and body in the picture. Okay, so let’s analyze this for a second. Women are insecure about their body and therefore are always interested in what other women look like. No surprise there – but what about the face of the other woman instead of the man? Well, she is not engaged with the man in the pic because number one, he is not you (a.k.a there is no history there). And two, because she is most interested in what that woman is doing in the photo to become idealized. Yes, women want love, security, and affection, but they also crave to be showcased in their love. And not only can you accomplish this by taking her out on a special outing to share her with the world, but you have to dress accordingly so that she knows that you are taking the time to uphold yourself to the same standard as you see her. This is another reason why it can be important to women to meet your friends and family. She is looking for signs that you are proud to be with her and she is becoming a part of your life – and having other people know about her is proof of that.
Respectful
Most every human being craves respect, and they are drawn to those who give it to them. For those who have lavished in the fantasy that women like to be treated badly if you are looking for more than a hookup, this should be considered some pretty bad advice. It is true that women can feel a rush of sexual attraction to a confident man with dark tendencies, but that same woman will be more loving, faithful and committed to a kind and respectful man. And just what do we mean by respectful? This is a man who honors her opinion, upholds her privacy, and expresses his fondness of her through small acts of chivalry (opening doors, sending “good morning” texts, asking for an official ‘date’). Yeah, women do still dream about this kind of gentleman – they just don’t believe he still exists – which, we are sure you can see, is why this can be such as an effective tool.
Trust
The power of a woman’s orgasm is based more on trust and security than your size and position. And the good news about that – is this is the primary reason why many women do not orgasm the first time they are with a partner. If things don’t click the first time around, it may not be you, but rather the early state of your relationship. Just work on the items on this list (listening, communicating, and providing a place where trust and security can blossom) and she will begin to relax enough to be fully present during sex. Just keep in mind that trust is a two-way street, meaning that you have to give a little before you can receive. If you are dealing with your own trust issues due to an unpleasant relationship experience, it will surely affect her ability to trust you back. As long as you have experience with at least one completely trustworthy woman in your life (yes, Mom counts), then you know there are others out there – so don’t stop believing (music pun unattended).
Honesty (just not TOO much, too early)
There are only a handful of times when a gentleman may not be ‘entirely’ honest, including when a woman is naked, but in general, honesty pays off in almost every occasion. Allow me to demonstrate: How about when you are trying to hookup for a one-night stand? Absolutely, because women are smart and know what you are up to. They respect a man who says it like it is, and if she is up for it too, your candid honesty will be a big turn on. Even if she is not up for your idea of fun, she will still respect you for your honesty, and you will walk away with your integrity intact (in other words, she will not bad mouth you to the other women around her). How about when saying goodnight to a terrible first date? You better believe it. Women suffer far greater when a spineless guy promises to call but never does. A gentleman should thank a woman for her time and then wish her well. Simple, kind, and to the point. A gentleman is ‘respectful’ of a woman’s time and feelings, but at the same time, he is honest enough to express that she shouldn’t expect a call.
Communication
A woman needs a man who can not only communicate with her – but also with the friends and family who surround her life. Women are gifted socialites for sure, and they appreciate a man who shares at least a portion of that gift. This advice is given knowing that most men are not natural socialites… but we can learn to be better men, and in some cases, much better men.
Great Sex
We mention sex to get your attention – but we are really talking about here is passion. But hang on a minute before you go, because this is important and will lead to greater things. Passion is a man’s excitement for life, his commitment, and ability to feel compassion and love. Women know that if they find a man who has a passion for life, he will know how to make her happy in the bedroom (yes, now we’re talking about great sex). But the point we’re getting at is that even the greatest lover in the world is more skilled on communication than he is with his ‘tool’. Let’s think about that for a moment. No matter what drove your last girlfriend wild in bed, it doesn’t really matter, because every woman is turned-on in a different way. And while you could throw a bunch of your old moves her way to see which ones stick, it is actually far sexier just to ask her what she likes. Any man can achieve good sex for himself, but a gentleman prioritizes a woman’s pleasure because he knows if she is sexually satisfied – he will experience really great sex in return.
These are the tried and true 15 commandments that keep a woman wanting more. And no matter what kind of a man you are today – you can always become a better man tomorrow.
About Dr. Eric J. Leech
Eric has written for over a decade. Then one day he created Urbasm.com, a site for every guy.
About Dr. Eric J. Leech