The most important moment of any first date, is the words that come out of your mouth within the first 5 to 10 minutes. You may already know that you are not supposed to talk about sex, ex’s, or politics, but there are also 10 other common vocal mistakes that a lot of guys make. Don’t be that guy.
1. “You look different.” or “I didn’t recognize you.”
Whether it’s a few pounds, a hair cut, or lack of a hair cut, nobody likes to be told they look different from their profile photo. What they really hear is, “Wow, you sure have lost/gained weight!” or “My, the years haven’t been kind.” Even though they may be guilty of using a misleading photo, you might as well make the most of the experience and give them the benefit of the doubt.
2. “Do you mind if I tell you something?”
Any sentence that starts this way is most likely a statement nobody is going to want to hear. Opinions run rampant, and even though yours might be thought of very highly, there is a time and place for them, and first dates are not one of them. Whether it’s their hairstyle, wardrobe, or mannerisms you’d like to improve, keep your good intentions to yourself. If you don’t like them how they are now, you won’t like them later, either–I can almost guarantee you that.
3. “Why are you still single?”
This question is often meant as a compliment, as in saying, Wow, you’re such a great catch, why hasn’t anyone taken you off the market? However, what is really heard is, What’s wrong with you? It may be a mystery why your date is still single, but the best way to find out is through your own observations. Resist putting your date on the spot with this uncomfortable question.
4. “This may sound crazy, but…”
This phrase comes in many forms, but what it’s really implying is that you don’t have enough confidence to stand behind your own thoughts. This wishy-washy prerequisite to any statement may be used to protect you from saying the wrong thing, but what it is really doing is belittling your ideas before they’ve had a chance to surface.
5. ” Pardon me? I didn’t hear that.”
This is a reminder to pick your dating scenarios accordingly. The first date should be somewhere where the two of you can talk quietly (or semi-quietly) and get to know each other, without fighting a crowd or performers for vocal priority. Save the more active dates for the second or third time around.
6. “Women always…” or “Women never…”
Making generalizations about women will be very offensive to your first date, even though you may not mean it to be. It becomes even worse when you use absolute language (always, never, etc), which is like telling your date they are like every other woman you’ve gone out with.
7. “I have to make/take this phone call.”
In the case of kids or a family emergency, it is perfectly okay to step away from a date to use the phone, however, just about everyone else can wait until after the date. Nothing brings a date to a crashing halt faster than someone who is constantly on the phone chatting or texting with other people. Your date should be your first priority, give them your full attention.
8. “Tell me a little about yourself.”
Talk about putting a first date in the frying pan. This isn’t a job interview. Instead of thinking about what the person has to offer, think in terms of fun topics they might enjoy talking about. Read their dating websites profile and research any hobbies or interests, so that you will be able to bring up stimulating topics and take part in the conversation.
9. “Are you seeing anybody else?”
If a date is going well, this might be a perfectly reasonable question to have in your head, but it is certainly not something you should share on a first date. Not only does it makes you seem territorial, but it is implying that your relationship is beyond the stage of a first date. Slow down, enjoy the date and don’t get ahead of yourself.
10. “I’ll call you.” or “Let’s do this again sometime.”
This innocent farewell line has left millions of women sitting by their phone wondering what went wrong. You may think that you’re avoiding hurting their feelings, but you are only prolonging their confusion. Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, and even more importantly, don’t lead a woman on if you don’t intend on calling her again.
About Dr. Eric J. Leech
Eric has written for over a decade. Then one day he created Urbasm.com, a site for every guy.
About Dr. Eric J. Leech