Kezia Noble would be every man’s ideal wing woman. However, since there is only so much of her to go around, we are proud to present some of her best advice that has helped over 18,000 men find better success with women.
The ‘Noble Method’ has quickly risen within the Pick Up Artist (PUA) community–and today, Kezia is a premier dating coach for men all over the world. No matter how successful you currently are with women… prepare to up your game several notches with these simple, yet effective insider tips.
Urbasm: Who is a guy’s best wing (girl, guy, dog, etc.) and why? And are there any rules a wing person needs to follow to help their mate succeed?
Kezia Noble: A dog, believe it or not, is one of the best wing men a man could have. Once I was with my male friend in his Aston Martin, and as he slowed down past a group of hot women who were sitting outside a restaurant. We watched the initial attention that he and his car received. Take a 180 degree turn when a fairly average looking guy walked past with a fairly ordinary looking mongrel.
Having a dog gives the woman an excuse to interact with you, and provides a great opportunity to get a conversation flowing. She will inevitably ask questions about the dog and then talk about her dog, or the family dog she grew up with or how she ‘wants’ a dog. So long as the guy can use those hooks as springboards to other non-canine related hooks and topics, then man’s best friend is truly an effective wing man.
The next best option is an actual WING MAN. This does not mean the old buddy you grew up with who is probably a great guy, but useless when it comes to helping you game women. A good wing man needs to be constantly encouraging you to try out new ideas and techniques that you can both experiment with together until you get the perfect formula for each occasion.
Tip: Always ditch the wing girl or wing man who tells their female friends what a “lovely guy’ you are, or introduces you as “one of the sweetest guys I know.” You can do without these introductions, because in reality they spell out: “He’s a nice guy that women don’t want… so please like him.”
Urb: We’ve heard you mention that you don’t like pickup lines. What should guys be using instead? What are a couple of the most successful techniques you teach in the place of a “line”?
KN: I am not ANTI pick up lines. I warn people not to rely on them too much, and to focus on the response to her reaction and the reaction to her response more. If your pick up line is funny and interesting and makes an initial positive impact, that’s great. But if you can’t sustain the conversation with what she responds back to you with, then the strength of your pick up line becomes obsolete. I teach guys to experiment with their opening lines; this includes executing cheesy pick up lines and utilizing simple situational observations.
The key point that I focus on when working with my clients is what ‘comes next.’ A cheesy pick up line can work brilliantly if the guy bursts out laughing at the right time, and uses the moment as a way to ‘test’ out the girls sense of humor. After successful interactions, I never really remember what a guy first says to me. I remember how he made me feel and what we talked about. However, if there is no conversation or connection that follows, then all I have left to remember is the guys opening line and the uncomfortable feeling when it fizzled out.
Urb: When someone wants to know how to attract women, how important is the way they dress? Are there any golden rules to attracting women from appearance that guys should know?
KN: To be fair, a man with premier league game can wear what he likes. I sincerely believe this, because I have witnessed it. However, a man who has not achieved such expert level of game will still need to utilize or enhance his appearance in order to give him that slight advantage. Men should never compromise their personal character in accordance with what happens to be fashionable or what makes them appear to be someone they’re not.
If he is an artistic man who revels in his creativity and originality, then there’s no problem in him dressing eccentrically. If he’s a serious business man, then why should he swap a well made suit for a more relaxing sporty trend that simply happens to be in fashion? Keep your style congruent with your life style and personality, just make sure it is well fitted to suit your body. Nothing is worse than a badly fitted shirt, suit, or pair of pants. Men need to seek professional advice about the actual size they need to wear, and from there–in my opinion, anything goes!
Urb: To improve a guy’s game, it helps to understand the psychology of seduction. Is there a standard method you teach, or do you need to read the individual woman first and then choose the right tactic before it will work?
KN: There is a blueprint I use, or you could say a format, that works across the board. Depending on what ‘type’ of woman you meet, the format allows you to add certain skills, words and techniques, whilst the structure remains the same. The format is this (in this order):
- Patter breaking
- Impact
- Connection
- increasing buying temperature
- Close
Urb: What is one process that a man with ‘approach anxiety’ can use to put himself in the right state of mind before walking up to a girl?
KN: There are two great ways to sleigh approach anxiety. One is based on the ‘exposure therapy’ method, which means throwing yourself into the deep end and experiencing the ‘worst case scenario.’ In this case, that would be an instant blow out once he has faced his fear, because he can own that fear and realize that it actually contains no real power.
The other technique is based on the ‘desensitization’ method, where by the guy gets used to talking to random women (warm up sets). Once he has got used to speaking casually to women without pressuring himself, this desensitization will help him find it easier to approach a woman he actually wants to close. Social snowballing is another name for this, and usually men prefer this option over the more extreme experience of ‘blow out game’.
Urb: Is there any advice in your book that most guys seem to have the hardest time with? Maybe a bad habit that most guys struggle to break?
KN: The two areas men struggle with the most are what I call the ‘transition stages’ of a typical interaction. The first transition is taking the opener to a full blown conversation, where the man has managed to gain her full attention, and has made himself her priority. Whatever she was doing before or whoever she was talking to has taken a back-burner. The second transition stage is the shift that needs to be made that takes a great platonic conversation to a more sexual or seductive one.
To help overcome the first battle, men need to focus on their conversation skills. It sounds boring, but a remarkable conversationalist can obtain time, connection, trust and an emotional investment from a woman quickly. Most interactions end prematurely because the guy has literally run out of things to say, and has failed to work on his conversation skills that would have certainly prevented that outcome.
The second transition point, is usually effected by mans underlying fear of rejection. The fear of coming across as sleazy or creepy, fuels the outcome dependency. Men need to recognize that creepiness and sleaziness is an illusion that is conjured up by shame, embarrassment and uncertainty about their intent sexually. I have lots of very effective techniques that men can apply to help create that important progression to sexual escalation. However, the underlying doubt and concern about coming across as creepy will overshadow the techniques, and this is what will trap him in that Mr Nice Guy zone.
Urb: What is some advice that most ‘men’ dating coaches always get wrong? What do you think makes your advice particularly useful to men who want to improve their current success rate?
KN: I believe ‘negging’ is a very outdated method. A man can set the tone, establish respect without having to insult the girl or make her feel insecure. So many pick up artists have tried to neg me, because they presumed I would be hard work or over confident, but it only results in zapping my energy and desire to continue the conversation with them. Being cheeky goes a lot further than negging, and challenging the woman is more powerful than insulting her.
Most pick up artists do not date successful career women, so they can’t really tell guys how to do that. Sure, they can tell you how to get a drunk girl in night club back to your bed, or a woman on a work visa looking for someone to pay for her meals and general living expenses for a while until she finds a better alternative. However, those women are relatively easy to attract. If men want a woman who is girlfriend material, who doesn’t need to drink half a bottle of vodka to feel sexy and let her guard down, then they need to come to me to really find out how.
I’ve been the young, easily influenced girl hanging out at bars partying, so I know what they’re looking for. I’ve been the woman in a bad mood who deliberately gives guys a hard time. I’ve been the girl who is interested in someone else. I’ve been the girl who is finding a nice way to friend zone a guy who is attracted to me, so I know from a FIRST HAND experience what is going on in women’s mind at numerous different stages and what needs to be applied in order to determine a more positive outcome for the man.
Urb: What are your three best tips every guy should know as far as how to seduce a woman they have never met before?
KN: One, convey the fact you have other options. This means, she needs to know that you’re happiness is not determined by her, and that your time is not abundant for her either. A woman desires a man more if she knows she has to work to become his priority and a significant character in his story.
Two, demonstrate the fact that you know what you want from a woman. This includes what initially impresses you about certain women in regards to their banter, looks and lifestyle choices–all the way to what turns you on sexually. Women like to tick boxes, so make sure you have them; otherwise you will come across like a man who will have whatever he can get, rather than a man who chooses.
Three, avoid the friend zone at all costs. Many of my clients come to me with this issue, and the longer they remain in that friend zone the harder it is for them to use my techniques to get out of it. Prevention is always better than the cure. Never ever settle for friend zone. Men have to stop kidding themselves that one day the girl is simply going to come to her sense and realize that she is actually really sexually attracted to him because of the way he helped her fix the door of her refrigerator.
Kezia On: How To Make Her Want You
Kezia Noble is based in London but regularly travels to the USA and Europe where she holds her international bootcamps. For those men who are unable to attend one of her live events, she has provided an extensive portfolio of products including DVD sets and e-books that you can find on her website, Kezia-Noble.com. Follow Kezia on Twitter: www.twitter.com/kezia_noble.
Get more dating advice and seduction techniques:
The Truth About Seduction Dating and the Pickup Artist
The Art of Seduction Interview with Zan Perrion
7 Dating Habits to Ditch Today
Adam Lodolce Explains What Women Want
About Dr. Eric J. Leech
Eric has written for over a decade. Then one day he created Urbasm.com, a site for every guy.
About Dr. Eric J. Leech