Uma Thurman can make sushi out of one hundred Bruce Lee wanna-be’s in masks (Crazy 88 scene, Kill Bill). Arnold Schwarzenegger can almost speak a line, while flying through the air with an explosion behind him (for just about every movie he’s ever been). Playing the part of a bad ass is one thing; living it, is something else all together.
Taking that into account, we considered Naomi Campbell for this feature, as she’s been known to beat up airport security in retribution of her bags being late at the airport. Sean Penn earns props for hanging a reporter off a ninth story balcony, just because he was married to Madonna (Well, not really, but she could have played a role). Then there is Mike Tyson, who bites chunks out of people he doesn’t like, and so does actor/footballer, Vinnie Jones. However, everybody knows the mark of a true bad ass is… nobody knows it, until they want you to. I’m talking about the kind of cojones it takes to remove your own appendix, and then finish the task after passing out from shock (true story).
Wanna know who the real celebrity bad asses are in Hollywood? I’m glad you asked…
1. Danny Trejo (Navajas, Desperado)
Trejo was born and raised in Las Angeles, California, and much like Mike Tyson; he took great pleasure in the activity of repeating pounding someone until they could no longer stand. Professional boxing seemed like a reasonable career choice, until he became more acquainted with the likes of Soledad, Sierra, Folsom, Vacaville, Susanville, and the San Quintin prison facilities. Trejo has probably been in more prisons than the entire cast of Ghost Hunters. The man practically spent the entire decade of the 60s behind bars. However, being in jail does not automatically make you a bad ass. What does, is earning the title of lightweight and welterweight boxing champion during your time in those hardened institutions. Today, in his 60s, Trejo no longer wants to be known as a bad ass. In fact, he’s a pretty nice guy, even if you happened to run into him in a dark alley. None-the-less, if someone slipped him $50-bucks and pointed in your direction, his instinct would probably be to say, “How badly would you like me to beat that guy up?”
2. Sean Bean (Eddard Stark, Game of Thrones)
When Bean was just a wee bigger than a rabies infested raccoon, he was happily cutting out paper critters with his cousins, until one of them took his scissors and refused to give them back. Bean called their bluff, and figured if he smashed a nearby glass door, he would earn their respect. He squeaked out a mighty war cry, smashing the door, and sending a large piece of glass directly into his thigh (a scar he still carries, and jokingly claims to be from a shark bite). Blood sprayed everywhere, yet Bean calmly sat down, and started painting a dinosaur using his own blood. Okay, so maybe that last part is only a legacy, but this next part is the documented truth. A few years ago, Bean was hanging out with sexy Playboy bunny, April Summers, outside a bar in London (worth at least ten bad ass bonus points). Some guy walked by, and made an unsavory comment about Summers. Bean, being a gentleman, and a bit of a hot head, confronted him. Like the classic anti-bad ass, the guy ran off, but came back later and stabbed Bean in the arm with a shard of glass. The coward ran off again; but this time Bean stumbled back in the bar, asked for a Band-Aid, and ordered another round of drinks.
3. Ed O’Neil (Al Bundy, Married With Children)
Hollywood is full of heroes, and Al Bundy (Married with Children) and Jay Prichett (Modern Family), are two losers whom you’d least expect to be bad asses. In fact, if you had to choose a Hollywood actor to fight, O’Neil might be a logical choice. However, there is something that you should know. He has been training with Rorian Gracie on the art of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for over two decades, and in 2007, achieved the honor of being one of only five students to receive a black-belt. If you are not familiar with the Gracie family, you’re probably not a fan of the Ultimate Fighting Championships (UFC), in which Rorian founded. You would also most likely have a game plan that resembled most action movie fight sequences. Step one: Punch O-Neil until he either runs away, or falls down. Step two: If he refuses to do either of the two above options, per the action movie handbook, your last resort is to grab him by his head. At this point, your subconscious will be beaming, Look ma, I’ve got him by his noggin; I must be winning! Then O’Neil would flip around behind your back, and lock you into a submissive position that would have you crying, even after letting you go.
4. Steve Buscemi (Carl Showalter, Fargo)
Googly eyes, receded hair, and born on Friday the 13th (1957); Steve Buscemi portrays the typical, weaselly, sleazy coward, and usually ends up dying in some ultra gruesome fashion. As a kid, he was hit by both a car and a bus, and yet still grew up to be a high school varsity wrestler and soccer player. In the 1980s, while working to get his acting career going, Buscemi joined the firefighters of the New York Engine Company 55, and remained there for four years. In 2001, after the 9/11 attack, Buscemi wandered back through the doors of his old company, and spent the next week digging out survivors from Ground Zero. That same year, he made more bad-ass headlines while hanging out in a club with fellow actor, Vince Vaughn. A fight escalated after Vaughn welcomed the attention of some young ladies standing near their boyfriends. One of the guys brought a knife to this fist fight, and typical of most Buscemi movies; Buscemi took the brunt of the damage, suffering stab wounds to the arm, jaw, forehead, and throat.
5. Daniel Day-Lewis (Bill “The Butcher”, Gangs of New York)
There is an old saying that the man who is afraid to be himself, should perhaps be the most feared man of all. There is a joke that Daniel Day-Lewis only accepts interviews two times out of the year, because the rest of the time he’s in character. It could be said that this award-winning method actor has never taken on a role that he didn’t become in real life. He has been a professional boxer (The Boxer), in which he trained with world champion, Barry McGuigan, who claimed Day-Lewis could have been a contender by the time filming was over. In 2002, he returned with the role of Bill the Butcher, in Gangs of New York. Prior to filming, Day-Lewis routinely disappeared for days to experience the isolation of a man on the brink of insanity. He took up butchering animals, learned to throw a dagger with deadly accuracy, and reportedly picked fights with bystanders on the street. Those who know him (think they do), say he is a strange, reclusive man who prefers to be alone. Well, I would rather trust a man who has faced his gremlins and face planted in the dirt (alcohol, anger, depression), then the one who has lived a righteous life in fear of who he really is. Daniel Day-Lewis; you scare me.
6. Gina Carano (Mallory Kane, Haywire)
Carano is a beautiful actress by day, and lethal, mixed martial arts (MMA) fighter by night. Legend has it that she was born during a tornado warning in Dallas, Texas, and sucked all the energy out of its force, which is why her spin kick is so devastatingly powerful. She began training in Muay Thai at the age of 21, and by the time she had her first underground fight, she was hooked. Throughout her short fighting career, she garnished 12 wins, one loss, and one draw. Carano weighs in at a lean 160 pounds, and keep in mind; she is also only 5′ 8” tall. Those who have experienced her kick, say the striking force of her thighs are no less powerful than a male MMA fighter. During a fight scene in the film Haywire, co-star, Ewan McGreggor, accidentally punched Carano to the head. She responded by asking if he was okay. Carano recently received the “Chuck Norris” Award for the best female action star, yet admits she does not like hurting people. What she does like, is the “honesty” in beating someone good. Now that’s a bad ass.
7. Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean)
Depp’s eyes narrowed; his lips pursed, as he drunkenly snarled, “Back off,” to a mugger, who was waving the crisp edge of a broken bottle in his direction. The silence intensified, as the mugger thought for a moment before dropping the bottle, and exclaiming, “I ain’t stealing from Captain Jack.” At this point, Depp handed the guy a couple bucks, and sent him on his way. Johnny Depp is not the traditional bad ass. However, what he lacks in strength and deadly force, he gains from his solid copper ‘cajones’. He has wrecked an entire hotel room by himself, and when the local enforcement came knocking, blamed it on an armadillo, who apparently leaped from the closet during the night (incidentally, they never found that little guy, so he may still be at large). He has partied hard with Hunter S. Thompson (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas), defaced his own television billboard, and as Tracy Lords once remarked after filming Cry baby, “He’s the kind of guy that would be really sweet to a girl and bring her flowers—but still take a pee in the alley.”
About Dr. Eric J. Leech
Eric has written for over a decade. Then one day he created Urbasm.com, a site for every guy.
About Dr. Eric J. Leech