Okay, okay… enough cheering; let’s get down to business. I’m going to tell you straight, honest, and clear; most beer drinkers are complete assholes! I am not speaking of you and me, of course; just everyone else. Haven’t you ever noticed these idiots while you’re at the bar?
They are either falling off of their bar stools, or eating peanuts while staring at the waitress. How can you tell when you have come across a real beer drinker, you might be wondering? And if you’re not wondering, I’m going to tell you anyway. We simply know everything there is to know about every kind of beer. And believe you me; it takes years of diligent practice to become one of us.
We can tell you about the beers ingredients, where it was made, how it was made, who it was made by, and most importantly; how many licks it take to get you to the center of the toilet bowl’s ring? The-wanna-be beer enthusiasts can easily be picked out of the crowd. All one has to do is yell “free Olde English 800”, and the remaining few would be the real McCoy.
Nothing pisses off a real beer drinker more than when some amateur is pretending to be an expert. Like writing articles about beer; pretending they are all cool and knowledgeable about getting drunk and eating peanuts. Well screw them!
Hell, I’m going over to the local pub right now to grab a few Fat Tubes and Mister Yeager’s; I’ll meet you there. You’ll know me by my “I’m with stupid” t-shirt, and the rejected peanuts scattered over top my body.
About Doc Hollandaise