Success is attracted to men who are riding the waves of excess charisma, creativity, and confidence. These men crash down on the shore’s of life, and proceed to take it on a whimsical journey of mystery, learning, and innovative ideas. This is an impressive sight to behold, unless you happen to be one of the guys still wading in the kiddie pool with floaters around his arms. If you are currently a man who lacks purpose, confidence, and charisma, we want you to know that every man has been in your shoes, and it is not how badly you want things to change, but how much action you’re willing to throw in the direction of change. Check out these seven tips to help attain (and sometimes regain) your ‘manimal’ magnetism!
Know Who You Are
Rabi Shmuley Boteach offered us some memorable advice, which basically came down to one thing: Know who you are. A man without understanding of who he is, identifies himself by his profession. Having only his work to give him purpose, drives him to become a workaholic. This is a problem because if you allow yourself to expend so much energy at work, that you have nothing left to give other people in your life, this will dwindle your friends and allies when the time comes to rally the troops. In your relationships, this will leave your woman looking elsewhere for attention (more below on that). Instead, look within yourself, and ask what you have to offer. Show the world a man it can count on, and doors will open, and all you’ll need then is the confidence to step through.
Listen, Understand, and Repeat
When it comes to relationships, some men lead, others follow, and a good portion walk alone. Men spend a lot of time combating loneliness, isolation, and rejection. Many men are unable to access their most sensitive portions of their heart without a woman’s guidance. There is a feminine dimension to every man (and this is one of your best sides in many ways), but to discover it, you must understand how women communicate. She doesn’t want to hear your advice; she only wants to know that you understand, and empathize with her situation. The key to a successful relationship is quite simply to listen, understand, and repeat!
You’re Never Going to Make Everyone Happy, So Don’t
Approval disorder has ruined a lot of men’s careers, relationships, and live’s. It starts with wanting to make your inner circle a happier place and ends with frustration, failure, disappointment, and an incredibly unhappy you. You should use your logical brain to help guide you through your most important decisions, and your emotional one to help take interest in people and understand what other people are going through.
Take Interest in Other People (Including Your Woman)
Relationships should be important to a man, whesther or not you want to admit that. A man’s worth (in his own opinion) is calculated by three simple, but often difficult to attain life goals: his relevance, purpose, and impact. From the time a man is born, he is expected to be good at sports, academics, and his job. When a man frees himself from this self-focus, he can concentrate on taking interest in other people. Despite what your common sense is telling you, people are more complemented by sincere attention, than having all the awards that you can fit on your mantel.
In addition, women receive little pleasure from your own value and success, other than the bragging rights, which wears off quickly. It is more productive to be the driving force behind your woman’s happiness, which is easily accomplished by simply: listening, encouraging, and inspiring (yes, you’ve heard that before).
Nix Your Bad Habits
A man needs to focus on the good things in his life to understand their value. He creates distance and disappointment if he chooses to brood over unimportant details, such as past misunderstandings, current conflicts, and mistakes at work. Sometimes the best way to protect what he should be most thankful for, a man must look for his own worst habits. Criticizing, lying, threatening, and bribing will destroy the trust, intimacy, and security of any relationship (intimate, acquaintenance, frenemy, or friend). It doesn’t take much effort to be a better man if you’re honest with yourself about who you are and what you (and the other people around you) need.
Make Other People Happy
There is a man (Dr. Vaillant) who has spent the best part of his life seaking the answer to what makes people happy. WAnd what all those years have brough to his attention is that whether you are a ‘people person’ or not, what truly makes people happy is NOT making themselves happy, but rather making other people happy. It is much more productive and satisfying to focus your gifts and compliments on making those around you happy. This also fosters stronger connections with the peple who mean the most to you, and this is another big tip to becoming a happier and better man.
KISS Her, You Fool
The one thing that almost any man could never do wrong, is a true, heartfelt kiss. A kiss can end arguments, increase understanding, promote better communication, and will leave your woman itching for other physical activities (hint–hint). A quarter of all men in United States claim they are dissatisfied with the amount of sex they are getting from their partner, but rather than complaining about their lack of it, they should be focusing on its most potent prelude, otherwise known as… the kiss!
Watch Your Apple Tree
Research suggests that the majority of women who cheat, do so because they feel like their man is cheating. Mind you, this does not always mean that she is claiming you are a playboy/womanizer. This may not make a lot of sense at first read, but allow us to put it another way. In a woman’s mind, cheating on your relationship with her can take many forms, including working too much, not spending enough time with her, or not satisfying her needs (intimacy, communication, sex, etc.). You should never let bad feelings linger in any worthwhile relationship. And to accomplish this task: ask what’s wrong, and what you can do to make it better.
Disagree with Finesse
There is an etiquette to arguing, which includes starting and ending each disagreement on a positive note. In addition, you should use the word “I,” instead of “you” (as in, I don’t like when you nag me about the things I need to do, in contrast to, You are a heartless bitch). Focus on listening and understanding, rather than winning the argument. Because quite frankly, there is no winner to any argument, or at least there shouldn’t be if you lead it correctly. The only way to come out ahead (and with a new potential ally) is to compromise, and this surmounts to you giving a little, and then giving the opposing force the stage to give in return, and then you continue this back and forth until the problem diminishes itself.
Treat Everyone as if they are an Important Role in Your Life
Imagine if every aquaintenance that you have ever made in the supermarket, car lot, phone store, or gym was a potent ally that you could rely on in both good and bad times. This is the result of sincerely treating everyone you meet as important members of society. That is perhaps one of the greatest compliments that you can pay a person, and this is also how friendships are built and maintained. A man is never too big for his britches as long as he appreciates those who most likely helped sew them in one form or another. The better man understands that true respect is how you treat those who can do nothing for you (at least at that moment).
About Dr. Eric J. Leech
Eric has written for over a decade. Then one day he created Urbasm.com, a site for every guy.
About Dr. Eric J. Leech