There are five indicators of adulthood: education, finding work, leaving home, finding a life partner, and raising babies. But what happens when boom, boom, and boom, becomes a short fizzle, or worse yet, a chorus of crickets?
It is called the “Peter Pan Syndrome,” and it affects thousands of men over the age of 30 each year. Why has 30 become the magic number? Well, that is when most adults should have “grown up and found their sh*t (and put it together)”. At least that is what my father used to say.
But it is not all the fault of the current generations under fire (X, Millenial, and Z). Some would say that some of the blame goes to the world from which the ‘mature adults’ have left to their immature children. But it gets us nowhere to concentrate on the blame, what we need to do is focus on the problem…
We’re talking about you… Bounce By the Ounce Guy
And you two… House Party Guys.
Don’t you think it’s about time that you got your sh*t together? And this message may be extended to you, the reader. Particularly if you resemble any of the following seven signs:
1. You Have a Girlfriend-Mommy
Just because you have sex with a girl, doesn’t mean that she isn’t acting as your designated mommy substitute. Most every Peter Pan has a Wendy in his life who allows him to shun his manhood by making decisions for him, offering excuses when he fails to launch outside of his parent’s basement, reminding him about appointments, doing his laundry, buying his underwear (a.k.a. changing his diaper), and God knows what else. If you have a woman in your life who treats you like a child, well then we have got some bad news… you still are one.
2. You Don’t Work, But Feel ‘Entitled’ to Greatness
Some men are above starting from the bottom. Getting a real job, working hard until somebody notices, and then rising to the ranks of success. These guys feel entitled to all the great stuff that comes after hard work. They feel that they should be allowed to skip that part and rise straight to the mass respect of big boy parties and bigger paydays. But that is not how good character is built. That is not how true success is achieved.
3. You’ve Mastered One Skill: Being a Master Complainer
There are actions in this world and then there are victims. The actions are the guys who refuse to settle for the word, no, to end with failure, and to allow the pie to pass without taking a piece of it. The victims are the complainers of the world. They always seem to end up with the short stick, but they have never extended their arm to grab one of the longer pieces. If you think the world has sold you short… let’s get one thing straight, and that is that you have sold yourself short. But it is never too late to grow up and hustle for what you want.
4. You Don’t Know How to Do Anything, So You Let Other People Do it for You
You can’t boil water, stitch a patch, change your oil, have a disagreement, fight your own fights, or apologize when you’ve done wrong. Well, let’s be brutally honest here, you can’t really do anything. However, I bet Wendy helps with quite a few of these shortcomings. You may think that you are pretty crafty because you can get other people to do things for you, but you are only hurting yourself. When you rely on other people to make your life happen… not much happens. They may have your best interest at heart, but they are busy making their own life happen, so the end result will always be the same.
5. You Care What Other People Think (But not in the Right Way)
Being sensitive to the world as a gentleman is a good thing. This means that you are aware of your actions and care about how they affect others. But caring what other people think to the point that you base the majority of your decisions on the approval of other people, well that is never good. Being grown up is largely the difference between taking a stand to live your own life, versus living the life that someone else chooses for you.
You Never Do Wrong
The only person who never does wrong is the person who either never does anything, or never accepts responsibility for the things they do. Your last relationship, your last job, the lack of owning a career, and your lack of money – all those unpleasant results are from a lack of action and they are nobody else’s fault but yours alone. And you want to know why it is a good idea to take responsibility for all of your worst most embarrassing faults? Because it is important to remind yourself that you are the only one who can do something about them. And you can start today, so long as you are prepared to roll up your sleeves and accept the fact that you’re going to need to get a little dirty.
You Can’t Control Yourself
This goes along with not taking responsibility, but it throws in one more undesirable trait – and that is the inability to control even yourself. This is the guy who cheats on everything/everyone, drinks to the point of disrupting his life and work, and not only is he never responsible for his actions, but he seems unable to control this reckless behavior. Well, hopefully, you’ve got a woman like Wendy and a warm cozy basement to fall back on… but if you’re getting tired of being held up by other people, all you’ve got to do is take control of the situation, which begins by simply taking control of yourself.
Feel free to pass this along to any of your friends in need. They are probably relying on you to make things right, after all. This may be their last chance to discover that growing up and taking responsibility is actually better than living their life mucking through the castings of other people’s sloppy seconds (harsh, we know, but tough love hurts).
About Max Green